Why Your Team Avoids Conflict—And What to Do About It

Most teams don’t fear conflict because they’re unprofessional. They fear it because no one ever taught them how to do it well.

We learned our communication and conflict skills growing up, and that may or may not (most likely not) have been the best example. We walked those skills into adulthood and our workplaces, not thinking too much about it, and then blaming others when communication fails.

When conflict shows up, it often triggers our brain's threat response. Suddenly, it feels safer to shut down, stay quiet, or avoid the issue entirely. But unresolved tension doesn’t disappear—it festers. Performance suffers, trust erodes, and passive-aggressive behavior becomes the norm.

So what do you do?

1. Normalize it. Conflict is a normal part of working with other humans. Naming that removes the shame.

2. Train your team. Communication is a skill, not a personality trait. Invest in tools that teach people how to speak up without blowing up.

3. Model it. Leaders go first. If you can show how to disagree respectfully, others will follow.

Avoiding conflict is a trap. It might feel more manageable in the short term, but it backfires because it gives away our power and control, which is one of our Big Four Needs. Also, if you are anything like me, avoiding it doesn’t mean being out of sight or out of mind. The thing I am avoiding ends up being the thing I can’t stop thinking about. The conflict, the person, the conversation, the outcome, and any worst-case scenario possible are on repeat in my head.

Facing it directly with the right tools that help me identify, understand, and translate conflict allows me to show up with empathy and curiosity, which helps to build trust and resolve conflict once and for all.